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Ever been to Hell? I have. On many many occasions I have. I even get my little card punched each time, twice more and I win a key chain. The only thing for certain in this life is suffering. No, really. Think about it for a second will you? All these religious zealots and crackpots all say that you will have ‘life everlasting’ meaning eternal life. Meaning that not even death is a certainty anymore. But how did we come that way of thinking? Well no one is really born into that way of thinking. It’s programmed over many many years of pain and suffering. It is something that we tell ourselves to help us cope with all of the horrors and tragedies that we suffer throughout our lives. Let’s take a step back shall we?

Let’s talk about rock bottom. Rock Bottom. The only thing that we know for certain about Rock Bottom is that it is lower and lower each time we hit it. Tell me I’m wrong. Go ahead, I dare you. Think about it. If you were to lose your family today, not to some tragedy, or they are stolen away from you, let’s say your wife leaves you, takes the kids, the dog, everything. You are going to feel like the lowest form of dirt on this earth. It’s not your fault for feeling this way, really it’s not. You are going to feel alone, like the walls are closing in on you. Every time you hear something at the door you are going to jump up hoping that it is the family that was taken from you. But it wont be them. And you will feel devastated. Heartbroken and down in the dumps. ‘How could this not be absolute rock bottom?’ you will ask. Because shit is only going to get worse before it gets better, that’s how. Now you are at work and your performance is becoming shoddy at best. Because you no longer feel the need to be a provider for a family you don’t have. You lose motivation. You lose your job. ‘Oh, my! What am I to do?’ you will ask next. You will try to get on with your life the best you can. Truly the absolute best that you are capable of. But it wont be good enough. This is Rock Bottom. It has to be. How can it possibly get worse? Because you lost your job, you couldn’t make the house payments. Now its being foreclosed on by the bank. DAMN IT! Now this is absolute Rock Bottom. No family, no job, no car, no house. No worries right? The only way out of this hole is up. But wait. You feel that something is wrong here. Totally wrong. You have these, headaches. The come out of nowhere, and crippling pain takes you to the floor every few days. But they are becoming more and more frequent now. Now they are happening only minutes apart. So you go and get looked at. ‘What is it Doc?’ you ask. It’s an inoperable tumor on your brain stem. Fuck my life, I’m gonna die. DIE! I’m gonna FUCKING DIE! I have been proven wrong so many times before, the sheer chance of me being right about Rock Bottom this time, has to be right. How could this possibly get any worse?…….

The only way out is up. To look on the bright side of things. You are a relatively healthy guy, no reason that you shouldn’t be able to give a little something to someone else when you go. Why not alot of things? You donate part of your liver to an old war vet so that he may live, even though he continues to drink because his life is at Rock Bottom too. Or so he percieves as we have learned here today. How about a lung to the rich heiress that has smoked for 47 years and contracted lung cancer and needed an oh so urgent transplant? Awesome, finally we are looking up here. We are on the up slope, aren’t we? How about a kidney to the little boy that drinks 3 cases of Mountain Dew a day? That boy will live many many more years without having to use some machine to keep him alive. He’ll run and play and have sleepovers. And continue to drink sodas by the gallon because he doesn’t want to feel left out by his friends that are doing the same. You have given all of these people a second chance. 

But you never got your second chance did you? What about you? You stumbled and you fell, and you lost everything, only to give life to those more deserving than you. You have achieved almost sainthood with your kind and selfless acts. But there is one more ‘needy’ person. Old mister winters. The Vietnam combat veteran who held off 2 battalions of VC guerillas on top of Hill 115, with nothing more than his bayonet, side arm, C-rats and a box full of ammo, You see, he has eaten right, exercised everyday, treated everyone in our neighborhood with the utmost respect and courtesy. The most kind, sweet and gentle old man anyone could ever have the pleasure of knowing. But he has a disease that he never knew about. The walls of his heart are thinning out at an incredibly increased rate, he has only months to live. You, being the saint that you have become, have decided to give him your heart. You are already dying, you gave up so much for others and never though about what it was doing to you. It’s been killing you. And now that you know that, it is all the more reason to give Mr. Winters your heart.

You are on the operating table, mirrored by another operating table with Mr. Winters laying on it looking over at you with such sweet sweet eyes. You see a tear fall down his face. You wonder the kinds of horrors and atrocities those sweet eyes have witnessed. You realize the reason you are doing this. This kind old man, that did nothing but protect his country, do the right thing his entire life, deserves it. He has earned it. And who are you to deny that? You go under the knife. The Doc opens up your chest cavity. He gasps along with the rest of his operating room staff. You wonder what the fuss is. The doctor asks you if this is some kind of joke. That you have condemned a kind old man to die, because you have no heart to give. Just an empty space where it once was. What could have caused this? You caused this. Because you decided to give your heart to someone else along time ago. Your wife. You remember her don’t you? The one that left you standing there helpless, hopeless. Pathetic. Because you trusted another human being now this old man will die a slow painful death. All of the lives you saved before, everyone, at what cost? Now this one time that you can save the only person you know in your pathetic existence that deserves a second chance can’t have that because you trusted someone else. You look over at Mr. Winters. He looks back at you. You see yet another tear roll down his cheek. As your vision blurs and darkens, you seen him mouthing something. But what could it be. You try and catch it again but cant quite get what he is trying to say. There it is. You figured it out. In his last dying moment and yours he mouthed to you………….’DUMBASS!’


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